‘Tis the Season

Grandma’s head exploded when her grandson
Popped a cap in her on Christmas Eve
You can say there’s no such thing as bad guys
But as for me and Grandpa we believe.

Kyle had been drinking too much egg nog
Mom had left the Glock out on the bar
Dad had always taught us all gun safety
With the rest of the Ballistic Arts.

The cops just shook their heads in much frustration
Since they had seen it all before
Such a happy family on the gun range
‘Til there’s another dead one on the floor.

So Grandma’s no longer ‘mong the living
And Kyle, well, he’s now a homeless bum
You can say there’s no such thing as bad guys
‘Cause Kyle was just a good guy with a gun.

Now Grandma’s just a very happy mem’ry
Of past days posing proudly ‘neath the tree
You can say there’s no such thing as bad guys
But as for me and Grandpa we believe….

———–

This is dedicated to the Fiore Family of Arizona. Their Christmas calendar made me feel so yuletidish inside, I just had to rewrite the lyrics to the classic Christmas Jingle, “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”. Michele is an Assemblywomen from Nevada with, some might say, questionable and controversial opinions. This revised song is just an homage to the logical extension of one of them….

‘Twas the Day after Christmas…

I wrote this on the day after Christmas.

With apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr. (1748-1828)
(previously believed to be Clement Clarke Moore).

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the House
The leftovers were eaten, the fire was well doused.
The stockings had been stripped of their goodies and lost
While the pols at the Capitol dreamed of bribes of great cost.

Bible ≠ Science

I does seem so blindingly obvious when you look at it that way.

Notice Anything Missing?

This is BCP (Before Christian Polarization).

H/T Brian Fields

Poster Of The Week

A Dallas Moment

Some of you may remember the TV prime time soap drama,  Dallas. JR Ewing and his family were Texas oil millionaires with dysfunctional relations rarely seen in real life. One of the plot lines for a whole season occurred after one of the actors (Patrick Duffy, who played Bobby Ewing) left the show, and was not part of the TV family. At the end of the season, he must have missed his paycheck, and asked to be brought back, so the next season began with Bobby’s wife waking from a dream (and he in the shower) with this dream being the entire past season without him. All the viewers smacked their foreheads and thought “WTF?”, but then the show continued with him for a number of seasons, so it apparently didn’t affect the false reality created by the show.

Now consider the following:

More Blatant Hypocrisy From the Right

Now, don’t respond to this by pointing out leftist hypocrisy. I know that a little human hypocrisy is inevitable. I’m even sure that you could run through 480 or so posts I have here on my blog, and find some minor instance where I exhibit hypocritical tendencies (though I feel confident there is nothing major).

I Had A Dream

No, this is not my Martin Luther King moment.

Did you ever have a dream from which you awoke that you felt was full of some monumental wisdom, something you never would have thought of in any of your waking moments,  and you felt that you ought to get right up and put the dream to paper, knowing full well if you rolled over and went back to sleep, you’d completely forget it in the morning? And once you do, and you’ve had your second cup of coffee, and you analyze it, you realize it’s not only NOT a very monumental bit of thinking, it’s not even rational, and what made you even think it was so profound?

Peter Pumpkinhead

I always liked this song from an atheist band – XTC

“The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead“

Peter Pumpkinhead came to town
Spreading wisdom and cash around

This Is NOT An April Fools Post

Seems like a lot of bloggers are posting April Fools Jokes today, because April Fools Day is one of the sacred holidays of Atheism, having no reference whatsoever to the divine, supernatural or religious (even though this year it falls on Palm Sunday). It’s a completely secular holiday. Most of the posts on Freethought Blogs are of the “my fellow atheist blogger X has decided to hang it up, and stop blogging ” variety. I have to think this was a planned strategy. (D’uh).