In the Nothing’s-Too-Stupid-For-The-Republican-Party Department:
Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum have all signed a pledge to form a commission to investigate the LGBT community if elected President.
What? You say? WTF? What in the hell needs to be investigated here? The National Organization for Marriage (an organization we must surely need, since marriage has such a bad name these days) proposes that all the Presidential candidates sign the following pledge to:
establish a presidential commission on religious liberty to investigate and document reports of Americans who have been harassed or threatened for exercising key civil rights to organize, to speak, to donate or to vote for marriage and to propose new protections, if needed.
Wow. Just wow. A commission to investigate instances where Americans have been harassed because they spoke in favor of marriage (read, against gay marriage). Not a commission to investigate the harassment of gays, or the violation of their civil rights to…ummm…not be assaulted, bullied, or even tortured and killed.
Ok, this is from The Onion, right? The reason these three signed the pledge is because we have a serious problem with bigots not being able to express themselves, right? Their Constitutional right to spout hatred and bigotry is being infringed upon on a daily basis, so what we need is a Presidential Commission to investigate people who are preventing them from doing so. Like the poor, overly harassed Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps and others of that ilk. You know how much they are prevented from picketing funerals and other similar events.
Personally, I think there are other, more personal motivations behind these three signing the pledge.
- Santorum wants to investigate why they named a particular …ummm… residue after him.
- Bachmann thinks that they are part of the War on Christmas. “Don we now our gay apparel….”
- Romney used to think that the LGBT community was legitimate, but changed his mind.
- Perry’s not mentioned, but if asked he’d say that he’s got three good reasons to investigate: 1. He hates gays, 2. he probably IS gay, and 3. …ummm…wait a minute…it’s on the tip of my tongue…ooops. (OK. Cheap joke.)
The campaigns of all three of them, and any others who sign this odious pledge, should travel the path as that of the Cain campaign, and good riddance.
Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight
When I run outa things to investigate
Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Hope I don’t find out anything . . . hmm, great God!