God Hates Figs

It’s true! Check it out.

Jesus Curses a Fig Tree and His Disciples Spread Far and Wide

12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.

15 And they spread out far and wide across the land to spread the Word about figs, and eventually, after many years, found themselves in a strange country. 16 And that strange country came to be known as Topeka, Kansas. 17 There they established their Church, and called it Westboro, and it was good. 18 And they continued to spread  their Lord’s message about figs, and copy His Scripture with diligence and precision.  19 Until, one day, they hired a new copy scribe, John the Copiest, who was in all manner and regards incompetent. 20 And John, while in his cups, mistranslated his day’s work to read “it was not the season for fags“.

21 And thereafter, figs were fags.

23 thoughts on “God Hates Figs

  1. “Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and John Purcell came also among them.

    And the LORD said unto John, Whence comest thou? Then John answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from slandering Christians up and down in it.

    And the LORD said unto John, Hast thou considered my servant Fred, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?

    Then John answered the LORD, and said, Doth Fred fear God for nought? Hast not disease-ridden fags encompassed about him, and about his house, depleteth his healthcare, poisoneth his blood supply and about all that he hath on every side? Despiteth this, thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land, whereas they dieth in huge, puss-encrusted hordes about thee.” Job 1:6-10 NGV. (New Gideon Version)

    😆

    This is great fun, John, we should do this more often!

    LUV studying scripture with infidels, sayeth I!

  2. I’m not really partial to figs, myself. But, unlike Jesus, my attitude toward them is live-and-let-live, not hatred.

    • Awww, I wouldn’t worryeth about Christ hating figs, there, Chappy… He causeth the rain to falleth uponeth everyoneth…

      Seeth hereth.

      Happyeth?

  3. The meaning of this is that a fig tree is somewhere you would expect to find fruit. Much like the temple in which Jesus was about to go (when you read on the the next verse, Mark 11:15 and 16, that is cut off by the link given). But instead Jesus found people more interested in money than teaching about God (He found people not producing fruit themselves). He does not hate figs, or you. He loved me before I loved Him. He would to this day have everyone who has not turned to Him, do so. He loves you right now, whether you love Him right now or not. I know you have seen hatred from many “Christians” and seen un-kindness from Christians. The truth is that many that claim to be are not (as said by Jesus). He made it a point to rebuke the people that have shown you hatred. But second real Christians are not perfect. We make mistakes, hurt people’s feeling when we should not, and are wrong in how we act many times throughout our lives. The fact is that our GUIDE is perfection…. but we fall WAY short of that. We want to do good, and do what is right, but we dont always make the right choice, as Jesus did. He showed love to all those he encountered, rebuked the pharisees (which would be similar to the people that thing God loves them more than He loves you, or have shown you true hatred to you). I hate that many people do not understand what it is to be a true Christian because they have had such a bad encounter with false Christians, or with some of us who have made a mistake at their expense. Please know one thing about true Christianity… It SHOULD ALWAYS show love, but a Christian does not mean a life of perfection, we make mistakes too!

    • The meaning of this …etc, etc…. He does not hate figs, or you.

      Ummm, yes, I think we all understand this.

      The meaning of my post is that the god of the Babble doesn’t actually hate fags either.

      Of course to believe that a non-existent god hates figs or fags is equally ludicrous.

      Did you notice the “humor” tag?

  4. See just look at my grammar mistakes….
    “which would be similar to the people that thing God loves them more than He loves you” – Should have read: which would be similar to the people that THINK God loves them more than He loves you”

    AND “or have shown you true hatred to you” Should have read: “or have shown true hatred to you”

    Just kidding about the mistakes thing, but sorry for not catching it before posting – not much sleep last night. Trust me i make a lot worse mistakes than that!!!!

  5. “The meaning of my post is that the god of the Babble doesn’t actually hate fags either.”

    Careful, there, Johnny! You don’t want to be one of these… do ya?

    “And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.

    Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

    Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities.” Jude 1:6-8.

    Sodom and Gomorrha, of course, epitomize what God hates, which is what “figs” do and won’t condone what they’ve done on judgment day. So, unless you want their blood on your hands as well as your own, be careful how you use God’s Word to others.

    • Thanks for pointing out that for some, god does hate – an emotion that many other so-called Christians think is not a god-like characteristic.

  6. “Thanks for pointing out that for some, god does hate…”

    No problem. It’s time the bullshit pacifying of infidels was stopped. Infidels deserve no credit or quarter for their stubborn insolence. The fact remains that anyone that obeys God through sincerity finds mercy and forgiveness. People going around preaching God’s “unconditional love” only invite and deserve the mockery that’s heaped on them. Even I give infidels more credit for intelligence than these.

    It is written: ““I have loved you,” says the LORD. “But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’ “Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the LORD. “Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.” Malachi 1:2,3. (NIV)

    The Lord’s love IS conditional. Jacob, here, represents those that believe, while Esau the unrepentant. Romans 9:13 later confirms this. Even Cain, before he cowardly murdered his own faithful brother, was counseled by God to “do what was right” and he would be accepted. (Genesis 4: 6,7.) (NIV)

    After all, why in hell would God destroy anyone that He loved, as is the fate of those that refuse to love and obey God? The Bible simply doesn’t teach unconditional love. Just one more fallacy out there that is being passed off as Christian teaching.

    • Gideon “After all, why in hell would God destroy anyone that He loved, as is the fate of those that refuse to love and obey God?”
      Why would He bother to make such a person in the first place? “Damn you for not loving me, person that the omni-characteristically bountiful Me made!”

      “Just one more fallacy out there that is being passed off as Christian teaching.”
      Obviously. It’s a good thing you’re the One Guy to figure It All out. If there is one thing that history is full of, it’s most certainly not people like that. Think of the possibilities!
      You should start your own denomination. Heck, you might even get a sect out of it!

      • Hmmmm… now, where should I start in answering this round of idiocy…

        “Why would He bother to make such a person in the first place?”

        God doesn’t “make” an infidel, you of all people should know that, Doofus. That’s a choice one makes. The one YOU made, no one else made it for you. It’s your baby, Modus. God, in His great benevolence, made life possible for all, including the gift of choice, which, infidels abuse rather handily.

        “Damn you for not loving me… bla, bla, blooey…”

        He doesn’t force anyone to love Him and allows them to go their own way… which, inevitably, results in their demise. Sinful beings cannot live in God’s presence, nor would they have any place in a sinless universe, which is what we’ll have when this all blows over. You wouldn’t want to have to live with someone you hated, would you, Modus? God will be doing you a favor in killing you, saving you an eternity of living with Him and myself and with your fellow infidels, whom would probably annihilate themselves, in time, without the restraint of the Holy Spirit. Yeah, if it wasn’t for God, you bozos would all be dust, right now.

        As for me “figuring it out” there are many who know the truth, because, they’re not loud-mouthed egomaniacs like you in that they actually formulated their own opinions on their own about these issues, aside from the peer pressure that other loud-mouthed egomaniacs put to them. All it takes are some gonads and the ability to read.

        That answer your question?

  7. “God doesn’t ‘make’ an infidel, you of all people should know that, Doofus. That’s a choice one makes. The one YOU made, no one else made it for you. It’s your baby, Modus. God, in His great benevolence, made life possible for all, including the gift of choice, which, infidels abuse rather handily.”
    /me scratches “omniscience” off of list of God’s characteristics. Possibly “omnipotent”, as well.

    “You wouldn’t want to have to live with someone you hated, would you, Modus?”
    I don’t hate God. I don’t believe He exists. That said, I couldn’t live with you. You’re always leaving wet towels on the floor.

    “God will be doing you a favor in killing you, saving you an eternity of living with Him and myself…”
    The thing is, if you’re there then the test is clearly broken. Yes, I know, “faith only”. Faith is a terrible way of picking off the best. It’s only a good way of picking of a subgroup of the easily lead.

    “…and with your fellow infidels, whom would probably annihilate themselves, in time, without the restraint of the Holy Spirit.”
    Naw. Seinfeld is on.

    “As for me ‘figuring it out’ there are many who know the truth, because, they’re not loud-mouthed egomaniacs like you in that they actually formulated their own opinions on their own about these issues, aside from the peer pressure that other loud-mouthed egomaniacs put to them. All it takes are some gonads and the ability to read.”
    Sure. You think you’re God’s special someone, but I’m the egomaniac.

    “That answer your question?”
    Not really. I’m still wondering why a guy who is, I’m told, all powerful and all knowing can’t (or, worse, won’t) make things properly, but does anyway knowing that most of what he makes is going in the incinerator.

    • Can you even imagine spending an eternity with someone as pompous as Gideon? I think I’d rather play Parcheesi for eternity, as mind numbing as that would be.

  8. “Sure. You think you’re God’s special someone, but I’m the egomaniac.”

    Glad you agree. Also, I guess you were still flapping your chops when I explained that perfection isn’t what those that seek to absolve themselves of any blame think it SHOULD be. I won’t bother going over it again, it would be like pissing into the wind. Some folk just don’t get beyond stupid, even on a good day.

    “Anywhere spent in an eternity with them couldn’t possibly be heaven.”

    Proves my former assertion, thanks for that. You WOULDN’T be happy anywhere you couldn’t be a complete ass and a whining infidel. That’s why God, in His mercy, won’t put you through it. You’ll get what every infidel wants, reflected in their dead religion of evolution – a dusty grave from which there is no return. I, on the other hand, will live forever in a universe free of people like you.

    I don’t see a downside to any of this!

    🙂

  9. I think I’d rather play Parcheesi for eternity, as mind numbing as that would be.

    Candyland would be worse.

  10. You’ll get what every infidel wants, reflected in their dead religion of evolution – a dusty grave from which there is no return. I, on the other hand, will live forever in a universe free of people like you.

    Which just goes to show that most of religious belief is human egocentrism, this notion that we’re so gosh darn special that a being that created a universe filled with billions of galaxies did it all with just us in mind. It’s just a bullshit story to tell yourself to make you feel better about dying.

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