The Theology of Monty Python

Miraculously enough, I actually watched Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life last night, for the first time. Yes, I know I’ve been remiss in my satirical duties, especially considering my moniker, as I’ve had the disc for quite awhile. I’ve subscribed to their theology ever since I first watched their TV series, Monty Python’s Flying Circus (of which I now own every episode), then later The Holy Grail and The Life of Brian. I never knew until last night just how deep, nor how caustic, their theology could go.

I love it!

Here are the lyrics of the song, in case your speakers are as tinny as mine.

Every Sperm is Sacred

There are Jews in the world.

There are Buddhists.

There are Hindus and Mormons, and then

There are those that follow Mohammed, but

I’ve never been one of them.

I’m a Roman Catholic,

And have been since before I was born,

And the one thing they say about Catholics is:

They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.

You don’t have to be a six-footer.

You don’t have to have a great brain.

You don’t have to have any clothes on. You’re

A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs

On the dusty ground.

God shall make them pay for

Each sperm that can’t be found.

Every sperm is wanted.

Every sperm is good.

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,

Spill theirs just anywhere,

But God loves those who treat their

Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is good.

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood!

Every sperm is useful.

Every sperm is fine.

God needs everybody’s.

Mine! And mine! And mine!

Let the Pagan spill theirs

O’er mountain, hill, and plain.

God shall strike them down for

Each sperm that’s spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is good.

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite iraaaaate!

______________

I also read a very short, but extremely accurate, one line description of the so-called pro-life movement, which I thought I’d share, as it’s in keeping with the spirit of this post.

The pro-life movement believes that life begins at conception and ends at birth.

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8 thoughts on “The Theology of Monty Python

  1. SI, what did you think of the exploding Mr. Creosote?

    Tommy, as I watched it, I was repulsed, thinking “This is comedy?” But as I thought about it this morning, I thought they were actually making a comment about British humor, which is often characterized as “understated”. That was certainly the most overstated humor I’ve ever seen. As long as you can get past the vomit, it was pretty funny, in hindsight.

    I was a little confused by the ending, with the waiter played by Eric Idle, taking you to his birthplace, then telling the viewer to “fuck off”. I need to think about that a little more.

  2. Wonderful song. Thanks for sharing the clip. I don’t think I’ve seen this movie yet. I’ll have to fix that.

  3. Wonderful film! You know, my kids grew up on Python, and know pretty much all the lines. It’s hard to pick a favorite scene in The Meaning of Life, but I’d probably go with John Cleese as minister and schoolmaster…

    “And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour, and so, the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath, by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little pots. Here endeth the lesson.”

  4. Is it any coincidence that I read this on the same day I learned that The Duggars announced their “big news” that #19 is in the oven? That poor woman’s uterus must need a lift.

  5. Well Mrs. Duggar contradicts the claim made on the show Six Feet Under when Brenda’s mom was explaining why she needed a vagina lift – “No one wants to fuck a glass of water.”

    Apparently Mr. Duggar does.

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