Apparently, those damned homosexuals and other sinners have not learned their lesson from the Indian Ocean Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. They must be engaging in same gender sexual activities at an alarming rate again. Lots of cunnilingus and anal sex going on, and not just in New Orleans or Florida, I’ll bet. John Hagee must be writhing in delight horror . In fact, given the number of people who died yesterday in Myanmar, I’d have to guess that there are also a solid number of heterosexuals who have taken up non-missionary positions or sodomistic sexual practices of their own.
I told my wife last night after I saw the initial returns of God’s peculiar form of polling on the evening news, that from now on we were going to do it with the lights out, under the covers, after 10 PM, and whether we liked it or not, face to face. It’s the least we could do to prevent another couple of hundred thousand people from suffering, dying or losing loved ones under such gruesome conditions. Enough is enough.
I urge you all to join with me and my wife in a Day of Normal Sex as a show of unity against the gays, and in support of the innocent victims of their selfish sexual practices.
Literally. We have a big bed.