The Gays Have Been Acting Up Again.

Apparently, those damned homosexuals and other sinners have not learned their lesson from the Indian Ocean Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. They must be engaging in same gender sexual activities at an alarming rate again. Lots of cunnilingus and anal sex going on, and not just in New Orleans or Florida, I’ll bet. John Hagee must be writhing in delight horror . In fact, given the number of people who died yesterday in Myanmar, I’d have to guess that there are also a solid number of heterosexuals who have taken up non-missionary positions or sodomistic sexual practices of their own.

I told my wife last night after I saw the initial returns of God’s peculiar form of polling on the evening news, that from now on we were going to do it with the lights out, under the covers, after 10 PM, and whether we liked it or not, face to face. It’s the least we could do to prevent another couple of hundred thousand people from suffering, dying or losing loved ones under such gruesome conditions. Enough is enough.

I urge you all to join with me and my wife in a Day of Normal Sex as a show of unity against the gays, and in support of the innocent victims of their selfish sexual practices.

Literally. We have a big bed.

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19 thoughts on “The Gays Have Been Acting Up Again.

  1. But to Hagee et al the people of Myanmar don’t matter anyway because most of them aren’t Christians anyway. And the few who are probably aren’t Hagee’s Christians (that would be narrow minded bigotted Christianist fundamentalist evangelicals). And even if they are the ‘right’ kind of Christian, they have the wrong colour skin.

    Bush has said we will send more than $3 million to Myanmar. I hope its not on the same delivery schedule as the money for New Orleans.

    And my wife and I will participate, but why do we have to wait until after ten? I’m usually asleep by then.

  2. Well, this just means the Christians didn’t do a good enough job converting souls for Jesus. Damn Christians, can’t do anything right ! 🙂

  3. According to Hagee, god has a curse upon humanity and only christianity (well his brand of it) is a proper repellent for god curse. If they’re not employing his brand of OFF!, they’re fucked.

    Now if it were true that gays caused hurricanes and other storms, shouldn’t there be some kind of emergency relief gay team that could be flown into drought areas or where there are forrest fires and have them bring on the storms? They’d be dropped in, get all GAY on each other (and maybe do some redecorating and offer fashion advice to the locals) and presto, problems solved.

  4. I just thought of an interesting question: if God is so against gays and sin, wouldn’t San Francisco be wiped off the map? Instead its one of the nicest and most expensive areas to live in. I think God has some explaining to do to Pastor Hagee.

  5. God knew that San Francisco would turn out like it did, so in advance, in 1906, he wiped it off the map.

    Isn’t that what you would expect from an all-knowing god? It’s all part of his plan, so don’t question it.

  6. (((Billy))) asked this important question: “And my wife and I will participate, but why do we have to wait until after ten? I’m usually asleep by then.”

    If you have extremely heavy curtains, so that your bedroom is suitably dark (I assume you’ll only be doing the deed in bed rather than in any other rooms, which are definitely taboo), you’ll be able to do your thing before ten o’clock. Of course, remaining completely under the covers goes without saying. Blindfolds may be good too, unless you think YHWH might misinterpret them as kinky rather than pious.

  7. You are toooo funny. 🙂

    But if we’re having an orgy how can we all be ‘face-to-face’? The only way I could see that happening was if it was a circle jerk. j/k

  8. No,No No, phreaked. We can’t have orgies, for gods sake. That’ll bring on, jeez, maybe a super-monsoon, lasting weeks, months maybe. We have to have missionary sex with our spouse only.

    There’s just nothing in the Bible that says we have to do it alone.

  9. I’m a celibate. These guys scare me more than they do you apparently.

    I am game for the circle jerk though.

  10. And John McCain refuses to denounce Hagee’s homophobia. I suppose that could be taken as a form of agreement. Regardless, I hope it creates trouble for him in the general election.

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