7 is My Lucky Number

The Chaplain over at the wonderful new blog, The Apostates’ Chapel, has tagged me with a meme currently making the rounds of the Atheosphere. In keeping with my past practice of never perpetuating a meme, good, bad or indifferent, I will not tag anyone else. However, if anyone wants to pick up the slack, and post their own Seven Weird Facts, then be my guest, and feel free to thank me. hehe.

Here goes:
1. Even my family doesn’t know this, but I’m a secret, undercover operative for the CIA. If you ever get a chance to meet them, please don’t let on. Unfortunately, George Bush told a friend, who passed it on to his minister, who is of the fundamentalist persuasion (you know the type) and feels that atheists are scum of the earth, so he told the publisher of the local paper who let it slip to a reporter on staff, and next thing you know, I’m on the front page. All because of Bush. Lucky for me, my wife stopped our subscription to the paper about 7 months ago when she got pissed off because all they ever report on is Joe Paterno and Penn State when people are dying in Iran, so she didn’t see it when it was printed. Phew! But I can’t tell you what I did for the CIA, because then I’d have to kill you.

2. I have a loathsome disease. I’d tell you about it, but you really don’t want to know the details.

3. My great, great grandmother was a prostitute on the Titanic. Actually, she was more of a high class call girl, having been hired by the cruise line to keep the rich men happy. She made it into one of the life-boats, because she happened to be on the upper deck at the right time, else I wouldn’t be here.

4. I have six books in print, and one that is out of print. I primarily write about the legal problems of North Atlantic Salmon, but you usually won’t find my books at Borders.

5. Three nights ago, I broke Wilt Chamberlain’s record for bedding women. I think it’s a noteworthy accomplishment, because he was a famous basketball player, and had a bigger, … well… never mind.

6. I’m bald as a billiard ball, but I have Donald Trump’s hair weaver on retainer, so you’d never notice.

7. I am a congenital liar, and have a hard time taking anything seriously.

Thanks for listening reading.

17 thoughts on “7 is My Lucky Number

  1. What a wonderful meme response! Usually you get people trying to tell us secrets that aren’t really secrets or just the ones that make them look good! you have opened up to us and given us some deep insights into who the Inquisitor REALLY IS… you have to love that.

    Thanks. And please never post on my blog or contact me by email again. I don’t want to get “renditioned” off to Abu Gharib and I don’t need any contact with exotic diseases.

    @ Philly – too funny!

  2. Damn you! (well, not really, I do not wish you damned)

    I thought I was being creative. I got tagged for this a few days ago and already had 5 pretty clever ones. I had the same idea now I have to try find 7 uninteresting things about me. dang.

  3. Damn you! (well, not really, I do not wish you damned)

    I thought I was being creative. I got tagged for this a few days ago and already had 5 pretty clever ones. I had the same idea now I have to try find 7 uninteresting things about me. dang.

  4. Chappy said: “Man, JP is really ticked off. He double-damned you!”

    Not to mention ending with a big “Dang”… you can always tell how pissed someone is when they go there.

  5. The legal problems of North Atlantic Salmon? Like where to carry the passport? Like attempting to enter the country (any country) at other than an authorized point of entry? The dam problem? Not being paid scale? Bait and switch tactics being used by fishermen? Trying to feed 10,000 people with just a loaf of bread and yourself?

    Good post. I wish I could come up with such drivel of the top of my pointy little head.

  6. Okay, okay, okay. I’ll wait ’til they show up in the used book stores (where I get most of my books (which means I’m undermining the Amurkin Cap’tlist System)). Just curious where they would be filed — under natural history? law? absurdity?

    Also, one other question (don’t you hate it when people say, just one more question, and then ask two or three (my wife and I were in the mall (ecch!) the other day and a man at a center kiosk walked up to us and said, “Can I ask you a question?” My wife (the quick and funny one) said, “You just did.” and kept walking. His jaw almost hit the floor) now, lets see, where was I? Oh, yeah.) does #2 have anything to do with legally challenged salmon?

  7. Snort. You’d be surprised how salmon are discriminated under American jurisprudence. To find out how, look for my book, “Salmon and the Law: How tasty fish exercise their legal rights”.

  8. So if salmon tasted like, say, tripe, they’d be safe? Or at least less prone to taste discrimination?

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